Feelings Overrated
by Kay Kylo
Summary: Is it really so bad, though? To feel no emotion, no warmth or cool? Emotions are the bane of existence. When you have emotions, you must act according to them." Rated to be safe.


Title: Feelings Overrated  
  
Summary: Is it really so bad, though? To feel no emotion, no warmth or cool? Emotions are the bane of existence. When you have emotions, you must act according to them.  
  
The title came from the thoughts this whole piece of prose says. It says that feelings are overrated. I don't agree with that, and I am not condemning feelings, but this is how the character thinks. Okay? Good.  
  
Oh yeah. Don't own Inuyasha. Can't prove it, ain't got the papers.  
  
Okay, just so that you know, no it is not Kagome thinking. It is Kikyo. Yes, yes, boo all you want. I'm booing myself. But this came up as an idea, and here it is. It's short, simple, and probably filled to the top with hypocritical statements. (I mean, I'll say one thing and then flip around and say something exactly opposite.) It happens when I sit down and write. This is what I got.  
  
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I can feel nothing.  
  
Is it really so bad, though? To feel no emotion, no warmth or cool? Emotions are the bane of existence. When you have emotions, you must act according to them.  
  
I don't.  
  
I know what Inuyasha thinks of me. He'd never say it aloud or to anyone else, but I know. I'm just a clay pot. Walking, talking, and entirely empty. He doesn't know that I'm truly in here. What part of Kagome that was me is now here. She's now her own person, and I am myself.  
  
I hate being alive. Deep down, I know that I hated being awoken from my eternal sleep, but no, the greed of evil had to wake me up and place me in a body made of earth and ashes. Death was better than this. Now I am kept alive by killing others, not by eating or sleeping. Killing keeps me alive.  
  
I want to rest. But I must first avenge myself and make sure he completes his promise. Those two don't see it, but it is obvious to everyone. Everyone but them. Naraku has even seen it and wondered, but he does not understand. He is driven by lust and hatred, not friendship and love like they are.  
  
They can never be. Inuyasha is too hopeless to be perfect for that girl. He is only attracted to her because she was what I once was. How could she compare with me? She is only what I was. And the girl. She is only attracted to him because she is too dense to realize that when someone tries to kill her, they are not trying to flirt. And also because I was attracted to him. Love may not be the word to explain how I felt. But it was a good feeling, one of understanding and hope.  
  
But it's gone now. All because he slashed me open with his own claws. And he tries to proclaim his innocence and blame it on Naraku. I do not believe it. He did, after all, try to steal the Shikon right after trying to kill me. But I fooled him. I do not die easily.  
  
They will find it out sooner or later. Youkai cannot kill me. Youkai of any size do not scare me. I remember Inuyasha's brother, Sesshoumaru, finding me once in a forest. He had only glanced at me and asked what I was doing here. Of course, I do not fear him. I answered that I was waiting for Inuyasha. The fool nodded and then left, trying to leave his brother for then. Hoping that he would not have yet another arm slashed off.  
  
Hope. That was what kept me alive until I reached the village. Hope that he truly had not attacked me, that he had not truly betrayed me. But it was too much to ask. He had stolen the Shikon, and I had died by his betrayal.  
  
They could never be together. The hanyou and the girl. They are not fit for each other. He is too firmly wrapped around my finger and she is too dense. I see her each time Inuyasha and I talk. She hides in the bushes, and Inuyasha forgets she is there. He never knows until it is all over. Both of them, fools.  
  
I am doing them good keeping them apart.  
  
Maybe she is not dense. She has shown smarts and valor at times. I have seen her dumb luck. Then, she is entirely head over heels in love and my help is too late.  
  
No. I will separate those two even if it means killing Inuyasha before he can avenge me. I can avenge myself, as it is. I just need to keep Naraku guessing as to my allegiance. But I will never let my copy take my Inuyasha.  
  
My Inuyasha. It sounds so right. Yet so cruel. He is mine, like a toy or a bow. A meal or a house. As if he were a thing, not a person. He is a person, just a hanyou.  
  
I don't want to be cruel to my Inuyasha. It is just that hatred drives me on. I need to be cruel. I know that I will die again. I am made of dirt. And being made of dirt has made me unfeeling.  
  
I can touch his face and I will not feel whether it is soft or hard. His lips, when I kiss him, are nothing. I feel only pressure. I feel only temperature. It hurts.  
  
I want to feel his skin again. I want to feel his hands in mine. But I don't. I just feel their weight. I feel their touch, but not the love. Nor the caring. Just the weight.  
  
I dip my fingers in water; I feel only a change in temperature. It is colder. That is how air is different from water to me. Rain drops are pressure points, touching my dirt-made skin and soaking me. But I feel no wet. Just cold.  
  
I do want to feel. I want to feel what is important. But emotions. No. They are no longer needed. Emotions were what made me sad and terrified when Inuyasha attacked me. Emotions were what killed me in the end. I could have accepted help from Kaede. No. I had to die with my Inuyasha. The man I had cared for. I may not have given him my heart, but I cared for him.  
  
I want to touch his face and feel him. I know I never will. But emotions made me die. I want to feel. But I won't.  
  
I don't feel a thing.  
  
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* Just a note to interested readers, it is possible to feel that sensation, of feeling only temperature and pressure, not texture or anything. What you do is sleep on your arm until it goes completely numb. I mean, to the point where if you tell your fist to tighten, you can feel your nerves pull, and yet your hand does nothing. Completely, completely. Then you let the blood go back, and at the point where you can just tighten your fist, but you're still really numb. Touch something, and you'll feel only pressure and temperature. It's a short thing, but it's really cool. It happened to me the morning this idea came to me.  
  
So, that's my pathetic two pager about Kikyo. It's just some really bad prose, but you'll have to deal with it. Once I get any idea down, I've got to do it. So, here it is.  
  
Review and tell my subconscious to stop thinking about Kikyo fics!  
  
~ Kay Kylo 


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